I was born in Saint-Petersburg, in Russia, and have lived there for half of my life. I am absolutely in love with my city. A city on the Neva River, St. Petersburg is glorious. I was always sure that there was no other city in the whole world more beautiful than Saint-Petersburg until I went to another city on another river. It was the Amstel. The city conquered my heart and my soul at first sight. It conquered also my body to be honest, but my editor did not allow me to mention that. For those who have not guessed yet, I say here that I mean Amsterdam: The capital of the Netherlands. It is the funniest city in the world, if you understand me. For the last fifteen years, I have been there fifteen times or more, but my memory might not work properly (it is not my fault. I blame Amsterdam).

Tulips and herring
The journey that l made this January was as good as the previous ones if not much better, as I found material for some short stories for my next book, «Be High». This book will be more realistic and funny, apart from «Nonsomnia». It is always very useful to advertise yourself when you have a chance, isn’t it? So, you should go to Amsterdam to buy tulips and only for that reason. Do not laugh here, as «Premiere» is a decent magazine. Although tulips in Holland are really beautiful, there will, sadly, not be enough space to describe them here. All of those colours, shades and sorts that you can find at flower markets are spectacular and I go there just to watch over them. A bunch of small tulips of twenty flowers will cost you five Euros. I always give one tulip to the farmer. Usually, I select purple tulips for myself.

You can also find a small van in every market that sells herring and smoked salmon sandwiches or fried fish. I adore Dutch herring, as it is softer than Russian herring and not as salty. They put pickles and cut onions in with it. I can eat herring every day and I do, throughout the trip. Both tourists and local folk love their herring. It is cheap and yummy.

Beer, pea soup and fresh
If you take a glass of draught Dutch beer the life will be beautifull. I personally prefer German beer, but «Heineken» is really good stuff. Some years ago, there were benches along the channel opposite the «Heineken» brewery. People could sit there drinking beer and watching walls or the brewery or just relaxing after they had gone to a shop for coffee.

Unfortunately, the benches were taken away, but you can still watch the walls if you wish, albeit in less comfort. «Heineken» has a special shop with different things, such as socks, mugs, glasses, underpants and flags with its symbol. I have a green scarf from that shop.

Food in Amsterdam is about the same as in any metropolis. It varies in price and cuisine. If you want something national, order the peanut soup with sausages or a hot sandwich with cheese and mushrooms. Also, there are lots of small shops with French fries that go great with mayo, ketchup or «Samurai» sauce. I, personally, do not like the sauce and I don’t eat French fries.

«Albert Heijn» is the most popular supermarket in Amsterdam. You can buy everything there, including French orange juice. The machine pours it right into a one litre or half litre bottle. It is very convenient: Squeeze, pour, fix a lid and pay. My favourite «Albert Heijn» is in the Nieuwmarkt square. It is not far from the city centre and there are a lot of shops for coffee nearby. There are no supermarkets, by the way, in the city centre, only small shops, but orange juice costs twice as much there because of tourists.

Channels, coffeeshops and De Wallen
Everything is for tourists in Amsterdam. Lots of them arrive every day wearing crazy outfits with mad hairstyles. Trust me, there are crowds of laughing people everywhere, whether it is winter, summer, spring or autumn.

To get to Amsterdam, you can buy an airline ticket through the Transavia company. It is a direct flight from Paphos, but they stop flights in November. In winter, you can go through Brussels and then onto the Thalys express train or other means if you prefer. The choice is all yours, but if you get there, believe me that you will never regret it!

In spring, you will see a lot of flower fests and in summer, you can swim in the North Sea at Scheveningen Beach in The Hague. You can also purchase a boat trip on the channels, even in winter if you are warmly dressed and have an umbrella with you. I think that only Saint-Petersburg has more rain than Amsterdam. Do not worry, though. You will not notice the bad weather if you go drink coffee in a nice, quaint shop. If you get to De Wallen, you will notice nothing else except the girls in the windows with red curtains, though not all of them are girls. There can also be the moms of the girls or even their grandmothers, as tastes differ (as you know). I imagined that it would be very cold to sit in a window wearing only a small bra and G-string, but people have explained to me that girls have central heating, shower and a mattress. Every three months, they have a medical check and many of them are married and have children. They pay taxes, of course. You can also find many sex shops, peep show theatres, erotic museums and other thing to satisfy any taste. All of these shops are 18+.

Museums, cheese and coin
If you are not 18+ or you have small kids, you can go to Madurodam. It is an amazing museum of mini-Holland. I have been there three times and probably will go again. The place is really amazing. You can get a tram from the central railway station in The Hague. I don’t remember the number, but it has a sign that it goes to Madurodam. It is better to visit the museum in summer, as all of the water works are open. In winter, most of them are closed.

Madame Tussaud Museum, in the centre of Amsterdam, is open in any weather and all the waxworks are available for viewing. This museum is not as big as in London, but the queue is also much smaller. They gave me a strange look when I said that I had no desire to take a photo next to the American president waxwork. I took two photos next to Spiderman instead.

Now, what to bring from Amsterdam? Cheese! I love «Old Amstedammer», as it is my favourite brand. It is sold by the piece or in small boxes as a spread. Also, people buy waffles in blue tins. I don’t like them, to be honest. What you should not bring from Amsterdam is something that I think that you know perfectly well, but some people still bring it. I am not as crazy as you might think I am.

Everybody finds something personal in Amsterdam. I am sure that you will fall in love with the city and will return there again and again. If you do visit, please say hi from me to this fantastic place and throw a coin into a canal. I will not go there soon, as I am planning to go to Cuzco (Cusco) and I am not quite sure that I will ever return.