Forgive and Let Go
Insults spoil life worse than the flu or angina, and take longer. The habit of torturing oneself with questions like “for what?”, “Why am I so mad?” and “Is it deserved?” quickly turn into a chronic form if left unchecked. Negativity is stored in the subconscious much like stones in the kidneys. In the vortex of doubts, self-esteem drowns and a sense of reality, the ability to work or create and enjoyment of life disappears.
How does one recover without complications? As usual, simply find out the cause of the disease and eliminate it.
Fever of Emotions
We take offence when someone else’s act or careless phrase touches the innermost strings of our soul. Did you have hope for a friendship, but he did not live up to expectations? That’s not an excuse to put a stone in your bosom! No matter how close a relationship may seem, putting aside your own feelings to appease another is not always wise. In life, everything flows and everything changes. We must accept this. If a friend offers to help your child enter a university, but her contact does not work there anymore, you may blame your friend for conceit. Is this fair?
Your new dress is great, but your girlfriend says that the old style was better? Rejoice – you have a good, honest friend. An uncompromising view from someone else is great! Anyone can be impulsive or rude or moody, at times. Everyone must deal with embarrassing situations occasionally. Did this not personally happen to you at some point? The root of evil is selfishness and an unwillingness to sympathise with the position of a neighbour. Who said that the world revolves around a planet called “I”?
God Will Forgive
Pride and discouragement are on the list of mortal sins. Resentment in the heart makes you a victim; punishing you as you are put on the altar of someone else. Only forgiveness frees you from the painful feeling that you were unfairly offended or hurt and did not step forward.
Forgiveness requires work, until the poison of resentment goes out of your heart. For us, diligence and dedication will bring positive results. Righteous John of Kronstadt said this:
“… do not get irritated by ridicule and do not hate hatred and maliciousness, but love them like your mentors, whom God sent to teach you and teach you humility …”
Turn the Other Cheek
How do we reconcile the words of Christ with our life: “If you are hit on the cheek – substitute another”? Scripture is full of deep meanings. One of them is do not make decisions in anger. When the guards led the bound Jesus through the streets, the crowds mocked him. In response to a blow to the cheek, He literally said the following: “If I’m wrong, tell me that I’m wrong, but if it’s not so, then why are you beating Me?”
A flash of unreasonableness from the stroke of a word can destroy love, family and relationships. Keep away from a sharp response. Instead, show wisdom, wait, be cool and save what is dear to you.
In ancient Russia, the words “slap in the face” and “resentment” were synonymous. When they did not hit backhanded, but lightly touched, there was no bruise, but it still hurt. Repeating the phrase about the “teardrop of a child”, we do not notice how often children forgive both resentment and a slap.
Mommy, I Will Not Do It Again…
Kids learn the words “forgive me” almost at the same time as the words “mom” and “dad”. Before apologising, they have already exhausted themselves by experiencing guilt, remorse and an expectation of reckoning. Do not try to substitute a good impulse with punishment – show support, show that you love and do not act on cruelty because of a childish offence.
Children grow up and forgiveness becomes more difficult. When acts of teenagers hurt the self-esteem of adults, anger and impotence appear as eternal companions of insults. We try to keep the authority, but the young stand on their own as they become more established in their lives. Is there no sound way to pardon their acts and words authentically?
American psychologist Steve Andreas, in the book “Change Your Mind – and Keep the Change”, identifies several harmful parental attitudes:
- This act cannot be forgiven.
A small child is basically not capable of doing something terrible intentionally, but if your grown-up son takes the car without permission, first try to understand why. Even if the reason is because of a neighbour’s attractive daughter, remember your own youth, show wisdom and do not miss the chance to get closer and understand each other.
- Let him know who is in charge.
The child is already aware of this and the strategy of power risks running into an unnecessary, costly war. Instead of another portion of humiliation, help him earn his pardon and move on to peaceful coexistence.
- I will forgive and he will repeat it again, deciding that nothing much has happened.
He will repeat, and decide this, if the situation goes as usual, without experiencing any feelings, comprehension or sincere repentance. Simply speak like adults, but with no moralising or “go and think about it for three days!” Be prepared for the fact that five or six-year-olds will often break their promises, but not out of spite; simply because they are still small.
When Parents are Wrong!
They gave me little love. I was unfairly punished. I was not given freedom. I was told not to get married. How many grievances against parents have tormented the hearts of adult men and women? Perhaps, mom and dad were, in some ways, wrong, but (thanks to their example) it is now clearer to you how to best educate the youth of today. Maybe not, though! There is a saying: “Grandchildren will take revenge for us. “The best remedy for offending parents is their own children.
So, build up relationships, call, visit and commune. When old people leave, we, matured, may be left with only anger at ourselves. There are no guilty parties. This is simply how life is organised.
You Just Do Not Love Me!
In this phrase is the essence of female grievances. Notorious socks under the bed, games left on the console, SMS obsession, unwanted baths and other demands cause turmoil, the explosion of which may leave the family in ruins if handled incorrectly. If you failed to talk and to hear each other, an atmosphere of insults may have been your reward.
“Do not let yourself hate a man enough to give him back your diamonds!” – In her 100-year life, Zsa Zsa Gabor provided us with a lot of insightful phrases about family life and relationships. This Hollywood diva of the 1950’s was married nine times (officially) and was always financially fortunate. “A man should be accepted as he is, but it is inadmissible to leave him in this form” – well said? Let’s continue: From a ‘hopeless object’, you just need to get rid of the bad points, so that, with him, grounds for offences disappear. So, it’s definitely time to act if your husband is an alcoholic, a drug addict, a player, an incorrigible womaniser, a slacker or a handsome tyrant.
The Boss always has no Time
To offend the boss, what could be more stupid? Do you think he intentionally comes up with tasks of increased complexity and drives you into the ground? Of course, people are all sorts of things, but, most likely, his head is crammed with other concerns. There is no time to build tricks and weave intrigues when the work is calling, the end of the quarter is near and tax officials are knocking at the door. Probably, you really are considered an asset and a most indispensable worker. The prize may be just around the corner and you are pouting! On the backs of anger, resentment is carried.
Insult in your heart, like a stone on your shoulders, prevents you from moving forward. Grief ages you and negativity shortens your life. Remember, also, that your emotions affect people other than yourself! It is best to take care of yourself by considering others. The wise do not forgive anyone because they do not blame anyone – follow their example!